Easy Does It

What is it that makes a fat old man think that he has a chance with someone of my calibre?

This past weekend I took a trip with my mother and sister-in-law Leila (pronounced leee-la, so don't get it wrong or there will be trouble). Leila lives on the way into Red Deer, so I picked her up on the way to my mom's.

Just past Sylvan Lake, a red truck started to pass us. Leila happened to be looking at me, as we were talking, and the grease ball in the truck thought (somehow) that she was checking him out. So he stopped passing us and started doing the same speed in the next lane. Instead of watching the road, he was contorting himself to look out his passenger window, grinning like the creepiest idiot I have ever seen. This man was sporting a walrus moustache, jowls like a bulldog and a stomach like... I don't know what. It was huge.

I slowed down, and so did he. I sped up and so did he. Might I also state that it was not even 7:30 in the morning yet? I was in no mood to deal with this old loser, so i stepped on the brakes and slowed down to fifty, and he finally passed us and went into our lane. I sped back up and unfortuantely caught up to him, and he slowed down to ninety, hoping we would pass him. I did not. The entire time we were behind him, we could see him checking us out in all his mirrors. It was then that we noticed his bumpersticker, which said "Easy Does It" (there was also a cartoon cat and dog, which makes me think he was driving his wife's truck). I don't know why, but this was the creepiest thing about the whole operation he was running.

When we got to Red Deer we had th misfortune of hitting a red light. Just as he got to the line, he changed lanes, so we would be beside him. I was ready for this manouver and pulled in behind him. When the light turned green, he moved back into the other lane, but to our great relief, he took the exit and we were free of him at last.

I ask again: Why, if you are a man well into your fifties, do you think that you have a chance with me and/or my sister-in-law? Why do you think that what you were doing is going to impress us, and really, what makes you think that it's acceptable behavior?