FAIL

That's the word for today. I failed most of the things I set out to do, and if I didn't, I certainly tried my best.

This morning I attempted to meet friends for coffee at the airport (that's where I always go for coffee. It's very convenient). One friend was flying out, and the other was driving her. Our date was set for 9:15. Meet at the WestJet gate. Sounds easy. I woke up at 8:30 when my alarm went off. The shower was occupied so I decided to wait in bed until it was empty. I was tired. I stayed up late the night before. I woke up and it was 9:18. I hopped out of bed, washed my face and brushed my teeth and ran out the door. I made it to the airport, parked my car and got into the building. I went to the WestJet gate. There was no one there. I walked around. There was no one there. I waited and saw no one. It was 10:00. I missed my date. I took the wrong escalator. I walked the wrong way. I found myself outside, no where near where I had parked. It sucked. I walked around in the parkade, pushing the lock button on my keys (to make the car honk) and finally found my car. I left the airport vowing to never return, but knowing I had to return in a few hours to pick up a friend's mother. So much for the vow. But the parking man didn't charge me for parking, because I was the first car to go through his kiosk and he said that's how he likes to start his day. He was the best part of my day.

I still hadn't had any coffee. I needed it. I stopped at the first Tim Horton's I saw. I had to go in, it had no drive-thru. I hate that. Going inside means you have to actually interact with other human beings. I went in. The first thing I saw was the bagel toaster. The best thing I can say about him is he appeared to have all his teeth. I ordered coffee and a bagel. I got the coffee and had to wait for the bagel. I tried to stand there and look aloof. I was wishing I had left my sunglasses on. It makes it so much easier to ignore people when they can't see your eyes. Bagel toaster was finishing up with the guys in front of me and they were all buddy-buddy. Laughing and joking and were all, "See you later!"

Then it was my turn.

Bagel Guy: "How are you today?"

Me: "Fine thank you, and you?"

BG: "Better now that you're here."

Me: *eyes roll* "Ha ha, I'm sure"

BG: "No really, you've brightened my day. And after you leave, I'll be gloomy and by the time I get off my shift I'll be - What's you're name?"

Me (sighing): "Elizabeth..."

BG (throwing his arms up in a very Street Car Named Desire-esque fashion): "I'll be yelling your name, 'Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Come Back, Elizabeth!"

Me: "Give me that bagel."

BG: "Thanks, Elizabeth, have a GREAT day."

Me: "Fuck you." (not really, though I thought it rather vehemently)

When do things like that happen to a normal person? And at this juncture, I must stop to describe the Bagel Guy. Age: anywhere from a hard 35 to 42. Height: maybe 5' 5" with heels. Weight: under 160 for sure. Hair: Mullety and feathery. Prison Tats - Check. Missing tooth - Check (so much for appearing to have all his teeth). Hair net - Negative. Requisite mole the size of a timbit - Check. Car - Doubtful. Girlfriend - Probably not since prison.

So I drank my coffee and ate my bagel that I probably should have thrown away and came home... just in time to leave for the airport again. Fortunately, I had already been replaced as driver and declined the chance to visit the Calgary International twice in the same day.

The morning progressed to afternoon, with Mario Party and board games, which progressed to evening and then into night. I had only the task to meet my cousin at her house around 9:15. I left around 9:oo, in order to give myself a five minute buffer. (For those who are not mathletic, that means it's a ten minute drive away). I got to her house at 9:52. That means it took me 52 minutes to make a ten minute drive. I will spare you the details, but it involved missing my turn about thirty times and being totally disgusted with myself. Since I took an exorbitantly long time to get to her house, the eating part of our date was cancelled and the movie was the prime target. The theater is about a ten minute drive from Sarah's, if you don't have directional retardation. I am directionally retarded. We got tot he theater at 10:16. The movie started at 10:15. We were blessed in that there are twenty minutes of previews before the movie starts, which can be the best part of the film.

We watched the movie, which was nearly three hours long, and would have been unbearable to anyone with a Y chromosome, left the theater at 12:54, and made it back to Sarah's without incident. I then returned home, also without incident, came in and opened a bottle of wine, and have drank nearly of it while I was writing this. I have had it with this day and am tired therefore will not be thinking of a proper closing paragraph. Sweet dreams, my lovely readers.