As an apology, I would like to offer up the next installment of:
MY MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS (II)
I have been trying to come up with more, because there are so many, such as falling asleep in a tanning bed, which turned out to be my most embarrassing week and a half, or working at the Buffalo, which could be called my most embarrassing two years, but I've settled on three more gems that I'm sure will be greatly enjoyed.
My roommate and partner-in-crime Amy and I decided a late-night trip to Boston Pizza was in order. I can guarantee that pot marijuana was involved, as that is the only way I would have gone, but I digress. As it was a late night venture, we were both fashionably dressed in very large, very baggy sweat pants and as BP's was only a ten minute walk, walk is what we did. For those of you unfamiliar with my place of residence, it was in a complex of "condominiums" that were originally built as barracks to house trainees for WW II. They were old and decrepit, but they were across Gaetz from Mort's and that was what mattered. No worries about cab fare = more money for drinking. But I digress (again). Amy and I were returning from our late night foray and decided ten minutes was too long to walk, as it was cold and windy and decided to take the short cut, which involved trespassing through the Red Deer County yard and two chain link fences. I think you may have guessed where this is going. We made it over the first fence with nary a problem, skipped our way through the yard and came to the second, and bigger, fence. Amy hopped over with no problem. I climbed up and as I hopped over the top, my sweats snagged on the wire and I was stuck. I was hanging there like a coat on a hook. Like a picture on a wall. Like an idiot on a fence. Amy was a great help, she literally was rolling on the ground in a fit of laughter. And all I could do was hang there. This fence backed onto the parking lot of my block. I was within sight of my home. And just when I thought it couldn't get worse, a car drove in. This fence backs onto the entrance of the parking lot of my block. Yes, my neighbours saw me hanging from the fence. And they were so helpful that they drove past and waved, causing Amy to resume her fit of laughter. So I hung there as cars drove by, with Amy rolling around on the ground, until she regained her composure long enough to grab me by the legs and rip me off the fence, leaving the seat of my pants on the fence, and all of my dignity somewhere on the other side of it.
The next event on my trail of disgrace would have to be my 24th birthday. I was still working at the Buffalo, and had to work that day. It was the 10:00 to 4:00 shift, so I was off early and could still go out to celebrate. Or that was the plan. I instead started drinking around 2:00, so I was pretty drunk by the time I got off work. I remember doing shots with my greatest admirer, Rod the Indian (not to be confused with Rod my Father). I remember going to the Arlington with Rod the Indian. I remember doing shots at the Arlington with Rod the Indian. I vaguely remember leaving the Arlington to return to the Buffalo with Rod the Indian, and I know it must have been after 8:00, because I remember the band playing. And then I remember nothing, until my roommate and other partner in crime Candace and the bartender Keith were picking me off the bathroom floor and put me into her car. Yes, that's right. I am admitting to passing out on the bathroom floor at the Buffalo. And I don't recommend it. Candace took me home (apparently, but I don't remember it) and put me to bed, and then went out to celebrate my birthday with all of our friends. What I do remember is waking up at 4:00 am and thinking that the clock was wrong and wondering why no one was home. Candace and our friend Neil came home right after I woke up and we smoked a joint and she filled me in on what I had done earlier in the evening. I remember denying everything and I going back to bed. I think the worst part about this whole incident, is that while I have forgotten everything about the event, no one else has. That and the fact that I know what kind of terrors reside on the bathroom floor in the Buffalo. I'm probably lucky I didn't catch anything.
The last story that I will recount this time is a beauty I like to refer to as the family reunion. I was at the bar with Candace and others, and Candace introduced me to her friend, whom I will refer to as Mr F, to protect the both of us. Mr F and I hit it off and spent the night talking and such, and it eventually turned to kissing and such. As we were still in the bar it never progressed past that stage. While we were still talking and such, he mentioned he was going to a family reunion the next day, which was a coincidence because I was as well. If we had not been drinking I'm sure that we would have explored the issue a little further than we did, but I digress. After the bar closed, we toyed with the idea of me going home with him, but there were the reunions in the morning so it was decided we would exchange numbers instead. The next day, I drove to Markerville to the big reunion and was hanging with my family when a man and another familiar guy came ambling up to where we were. My mom stood up and hugged the man and then turned to me and said, "Have you met my cousin W** F**** and his son Mr F?" All I said was, "I've met Mr F." We spent many uncomfortable minutes while my mother and her cousin caught up, and then they finally left. Needless to say, Mr F never called me.
I don't know if I'll continue this series because while it is a great source of entertainment, it has also served to remind me just how much of an idiot I can be, and I really don't need that kind of reminder. Anyway, I hope that it was enjoyed.
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