An Open Letter

Dear Keeper,

Once again, since you won't listen to what I have to say, I am forced to put it out for the world to see in order to get it off my chest.

Please, when you are driving with me in the vehicle, could you not incite others into fits of road-rage? And if you do something that others may consider impolite or poor driving, could you apologise to them instead of screaming out the window at them at red lights? And if someone pisses you off, would it really be so bad to just let it go, rather than chase them around town in order to ask them to pull over and resolve the issue via a fistfight on the side of the road?

I'm afraid I'll have to illustrate your bad behavior with a couple of examples.

Yesterday, in Red Deer, you cut someone off on the bridge. He wasn't happy about it and chose to take a page from your book and gesticulate and yell out his window. At the stop light, you both rolled down your windows and when asked "What his fucking problem was," he replied that you had "cut him off." An appropriate response would have been, "Sorry, buddy, I needed in that lane." The inappropriate response (and of course the one you chose to use) was, "I'll cut your head off!"

I'm sorry, did you really threaten to cut off someone's head in the middle of traffic on a busy road in Red Deer? A normal person does not do that. A normal person does not also threaten to cut off MY head if I don't shut up when questioned about the wisdom of such a threat.

Another driving related problem I would like to discuss with you is your behavior when driving my car. It is very distinctive, and is the only one like it in our town. Therefore, if you are driving it and acting like an asshole, the general public is going to assume that I am the one behind the wheel, and I don't need that. I strive to be a courteous driver, and I go to great lengths to control my temper whilst driving, and don't need you making a bad impression in my car.

Also, remember the time you stood on the corner at the only four-way stop in Caroline screaming at the guy in the gravel truck to get out and fight you, or the time you blocked a guy in at the post office for parking in what you deemed to be a no parking zone, and then calling him on, or the time you chased the red neon throughout the county because of some perceived traffic violation which you felt you had to rectify with a beat down? These things are unacceptable in polite society, and are even unacceptable in rigging society. They have to stop before you wind up in jail, and believe me, that's where you're headed. You don't stand on street corners screaming at truckers, or tell strangers (or your girlfriends) that you are going to cut off their heads. And if you insist on driving like this, then I must insist that we take separate vehicles, because you act like a beast when I'm the one driving as well.

Thank you for your complete understanding in this matter, I'm sure that you will take every word to heart.

Sincerely,

The Captive